Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
