What a fucking waste of an outfit
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
