so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
