tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
