My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
