At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
