Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
