Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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