She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
