I wish I only lived at night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
