oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
