And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
