this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
