I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
