When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
