Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
