Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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