idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
