I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
