oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
