You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
