Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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