I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
