Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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