make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
