i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
