wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
