So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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