Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
