I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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