just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
