i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i think i just lost a toe
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
