Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
