You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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