I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
