Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
