i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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