no, he came in my armpit
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
