She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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