I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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