Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
