I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
