Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
