She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
