Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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