my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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