and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have fence marks all over my body
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
