he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
