Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
