Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
