??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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