I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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