My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
