Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
