Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
