she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
