So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
