You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
