i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
