He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
