I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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