He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
