Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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