So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
