Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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