Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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