I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
