The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
