He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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