this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
