I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
