Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
