True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
