Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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