My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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