You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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