so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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